Never Broken
by GonnaGetThereSomeday
Summary: I suck at summaries so I'm not even gonna write a good one for this. It's a song fic, sort of. Could be multi chapter. Could be one shot. Rated T for mild cussing and self harm. Sorry, Jade.
1. I Cried

**I've got another story because I was having trouble with Fanfiction uploading things, so I wrote this while I was bored.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or its characters.**

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><p>I ran into my room and my cell phone rang.<p>

"What, Beck?" I asked, pissed off. I didn't know if he could hear the hurt that laced my voice.

"Jade, I didn't mean to-"

"No, Beck! You never mean to!" I hung up on him.

_Why?_ Why did I ever trust myself to let another person in? Only _two_ people had ever made it past the walls I put up around my heart: Beck and Cat.

I knew better than to let Beck in. I knew better than to fall in love. I knew better than to believe Beck when he told me he loved me.

_I knew better._

I stood up and walked over to my dresser, where I kept my PearPod connected to the speakers. I took it off for a second, going through my songs. I spotted one that I listen to whenever Beck and I break up.

Cry, by Rihanna.

I put it on loop and lay down on my bed, closing my eyes.

The song played.

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><p>"Why'd you do it, Beck? Why'd you kiss her?" Tori Vega's second day of Hollywood Arts. Beck and I were in the janitor's closet, and I had been crying moment before.<p>

"Jade, it was a stage kiss. Nothing more, I promise. I love you," He had said, kissing me. I had believed him.

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><p>"Why'd you fake the black eye?" He yelled.<p>

"Beck!" I had yelled back. "I can't believe you're taking her side again!"

"I'm not! I just don't understand why you'd feel the need to do something like that! You had me scared! I really thought Tori had hit you! I should have known better."

I had broken down crying, knowing that he was right, and depressed that he'd taken Vega's side again. He had apologized and told me he loved me again. I had believed him.

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><p>There were so many times like that.<p>

Stupid fucking Vega.

She had to come to Hollywood Arts. She had to take all of my roles, take all of my friends, and steal my boyfriend.

He denied it, but I saw the way she looked at him. I noticed how he almost always took her side.

The song began to replay.

I had always loved the piano intro.

I could play it perfectly. But I could play almost any sad song perfectly on the piano.

I reached under my bed, pulling out my box of scissors.

Why'd you hurt me, Beck? I thought desperately. I began to cut up a picture of Vega.

The picture quickly became shreds.

Then to the point that the pieces were so thin and small, that it was like dust.

Beck had always been appalled that I could do that to almost _anything_ with just a pair of scissors.

But thinking about Beck just made me hurt more.

I wanted it to go _away_.

I wanted _Beck_ to go away.

I wanted Vega to _die_. Painfully.

But then I realized that it wasn't them.

It was me.

That hurt more. I knew I could be a bitch. I knew that I was over protective of Beck, but it was because I love him.

I hated my life. I hated that I had let Cat in my heart, because she was so innocent and didn't deserve to have a bitchy best friend, and I _hated_ that I had fallen in love with Beck. I hated that Vega had ever come to the school.

The song began to play for a third time.

_I'm not the type to get my heart broken,_

I wasn't the type to get hurt like this, because I had only ever let Cat in after things went downhill with my family. Then along came Beck with his stupid beautiful grin and amazing personality. I quickly fell for him, but I shouldn't have, otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

_I'm not the type to get upset and cry,_

I tried so hard to never cry in front of anybody but Cat and Beck. But, it was usually in front of Cat, because of something that had happened with Beck.

_Cause I never leave my heart open._

I'd spent a long time building the walls around my heart, just so that Beck could _crush_ them into a fine powder and gain access to a different me. The me that was nicer, and had emotions other than bitchy.

_Never hurts me to say goodbye._

I'd never had a problem saying goodbye to anyone. Not even Cat, because I always knew I'd see her again. But, with Beck, it was different. I'd always dreaded saying goodbye, fearing that as soon as I left, he'd never let me back in. That he'd finally realize that I was nothing to him, and that there was so much better out there for him. Like _Vega_. My father enjoyed pointing that out.

_Relationships don't get deep to me,_

I always tried to stay away from love. From caring about people, because I always knew it would come back to bite me.

_Never got the whole in love thing_

I never understood how anybody could fall in love until I met Beck. He had shown me what it had been like to have someone that cared about how you were doing. So I thought.

_And someone can say they love me truly,_

Beck had said he loved me so many times, and so many times, I'd believed him.

_But at the time it didn't mean a thing,_

I always had held those three words of his close, but I was sixteen. What had I known about love? All I had known was that it was something I truly felt for Beck, but I thought he never truly returned it.

_My mind is gone,_

Beck had caused so much pain for me, but I'd caused his life to get _so_ fucked up. _Beyond_ fucked up. I'd made his family get mad at him for dating me. His aunt wouldn't fucking let him take me anywhere near her or her side of the family. His mom and dad hated me. Hell, _I_ hated me. Then I remembered the scissors I held in my hand.

_I'm spinnin round,_

I felt the cool metal against my skin. I stared at my distorted reflection in the blades.

_And deep inside my tears I'll drown,_

The first tear amongst many fell and I knew that it would drown out this terrible pain. I knew that with one movement, my pain would be masked by a more enjoyable form of it.

_I'm losing grip,_

Half of me screamed not to do it, and that Beck really did love me. But another part of me, a _very_ persuasive part of me, whispered that it was a filthy fucking lie, and I had been living in a fantasy world, believing that Beck loved me, and that he wouldn't care.

_What's happening?_

I felt the war of ethics going on inside of me and sat there while it raged, the silky smooth metal grazing my skin ever so lightly.

_I stray from love,_

I always hid from any positive emotion that I'd ever felt for anybody, but stupid Beck had made it all the way through. My heart had been his, and now I felt empty.

_This is how I feel,_

I could sense the underlying anger in me, ready to jump out at any second, ready to destroy everything in its path; including itself. Me.

_This time was different,_

This time _was_ different. I had stopped believing Beck when he told me he loved me. I had ignored his voice as he yelled for me to come back to school as I walked away from the building.

_Felt like I was just a victim,_

He'd taken my heart and destroyed it. The first boy I'd given myself away to in every way possible takes my heart and destroys it. I saw images of Beck kissing Vega and the anger that had been beginning to boil broke loose completely.

_And it cut me like a knife,_

I dragged the blade against my skin, pressing down hard. It stung for a few seconds, but then a blissful pain set in and I saw the crimson blood come up along the straight line. I hadn't pressed hard enough for the blood to trail down my arm yet, but when I pressed down the second time, more of the warm liquid came up and ran down into my palm, where I caught it.

_When you walked out of my life,_

I had been the one to walk away from Beck and I knew it. Maybe I shouldn't have, but then again…It seemed only fair that they didn't have to put up with me any longer.

_Now I'm in this condition,_

I pressed the blade on my arm for a third time, feeling it cut open my skin once more, and once more loving the pain. I began to think of Cat.

_And I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart,_

Poor Cat. She'd be so heartbroken, but she'd move on. She'd take Vega as a new best friend, Beck would take Vega as a new girlfriend, Andre would continue to make beautiful music, and be his happy self, and Robbie would no longer have to worry about me throwing Rex, or ripping Rex's head off, or his arm, or anything like that, whilst Rex would continue making jokes about the _'Wicked Witch of the West'_.

_But no matter what you'll never see me cry._

That was a lie. Of course I was crying. Every time the pain faded from my cuts, the other pain would come back and the tears continued to fall. I felt a few tears fall in and mix with my blood on my newest cut.

_Did it happen when we first kissed?_

I remembered that. We were in the hallway and he'd caught me off guard, his lips pressing against mine. I regretted that. I regretted falling in love with him.

_Cuz it's hurting me to let it go._

I really didn't want to forget any of it, but at the same time I did. I knew it had to end. I had to end _Beck's_ suffering. I had to end _Cat's_ suffering. I had to end _my_ suffering.

_Maybe it's because we spent so much time_

Beck and I had spent almost every moment together, and I thought he had loved me. But I was wrong. Oh, man, I was _so_ wrong.

_And I know that it's no more._

We were over. I knew I had ended it, and if I hadn't, then I was about to.

_Never should have let you hold me, baby_

I never should have said anything to him. I should have ignored the butterflies I got in my stomach when I looked at him. I never should have let his hand stay on mine that day. _Never_.

_Maybe that's why I'm sad to see us apart_

It killed me to know I'd never see him or Cat again. It hurt knowing that I'd never say goodbye properly. But I could fix that. Right? I could say a final goodbye, without giving it away, _right_?

_I didn't give it to you on purpose_

I had never _intentionally_ let Beck Oliver have my heart.

_Can't figure out how you stole my heart,_

But he'd gotten it anyway. _I'm so sorry Cat,_ I thought. _I'm sorry, Beck._ But they couldn't hear me, they weren't with me. I knew I had to say a final goodbye soon, otherwise I'd never be able to say it.

_My mind is gone_

I began to dial Cat's number. I didn't know what I was going to say.

_I'm spinnin round_

"Hello?" I heard Cat's beautiful, bubbly voice.

_And deep inside my tears I'll drown_

"Jade?" I was having trouble responding. I began to choke on my tears.

_I'm losing grip_

"Cat, I'm so sorry. For everything. I love you Cat. You're like my sister. I'm _so_ sorry. I hope you'll forgive me someday, but I really do love you, Cat."

_What's happening?_

"Jadey?" I could hear the sadness lining her voice.

"Yeah, Cat?"

"I love you, too." I could tell she knew this was probably the last goodbye.

"Bye, Cat." The tears fall harder, and I hear her begin to cry, too.

"Don't cry, Kitty Cat. It'll be okay. Just remember that I love you, no matter what."

"Bye, Jadey. I love you, too, no matter what. Bigger than the sky," She began her final goodbye to me.

"More than the universe." I finished, and we hung up.

_I stray from love_

I click the speed dial button for Beck's number. 143, because I loved him.

_This is how I feel_

"Jade?" He asked into the phone. I felt everything come up. My anger at him, my sadness, my happiness that he had answered. My love for him.

_This time was different_

"Beck, I love you so much."

"Jade I love you too. What's wrong, babe?" _Babe_. I loved how that sounded coming from him.

"Nothing, Beck. I'm sorry that I screwed your life up so much, I'm sorry that I took up two years of your attention. You deserve better than me, and I'm setting you free."

"Jade, that's nonsense. You've made my life an adventure. Yeah, you can be difficult at times, but if anything, you've made my life better. You've given me love."

"I _do_ love you, Beck, but I'm _so_, _so_, sorry. I never should have done it." I didn't know exactly which 'it' I was referring to: Me pouring coffee on Vega's head; me kissing Beck for the first time; looking into his eyes for the first time ever. Holding his hand; hugging him, the first I love you, our first night together; I didn't know for sure.

Maybe all of it.

_Felt like I was just a victim_

"Jade, you have nothing to be sorry about. I never should have kissed Vega when she first got here. I never should have tried to make you jealous, and I shouldn't have done what I did today. Will you forgive me, Jade?"  
>He was always so sweet, and delicate with my feelings. Except for times when we were purposely trying to hurt each other, and sometimes when he didn't mean to hurt me. And he'd called her Vega.<p>

"I love you, Beck. Just remember that, okay? Just remember that I always will love you, and I want you to be there for Cat when she needs it, okay?"

_And it cut me like a knife when you walked out of my life_

I could feel the world slipping out from underneath me as the final cut was delivered, and I began talking to Beck rapidly, trying to hold on for a second longer, to finish what I had called to say.

_Now I'm in this condition_

"I _really_ am sorry for being super possessive and really bitchy, Beck. I love you, and I don't want you to ever forget it. I want you to have the life I was holding you back from."

_And I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart._

"Jade," His voice cracked and so did my heart. "I love you too. _Please_ don't do this, Jade."

_But no matter what you'll never see me cry._

"I have to." More tears, and I could hear it in Beck's voice that he was holding back his own.

_How did I get here with you? I'll never know._

"Jade, _don't_. I love you. I don't want to lose you."

_Never meant to let it get so personal._

"You're not losing me, Beck. You'll know where I am."

_And after all I tried to do,_

"Jade…I don't want to live without you." Those were my thoughts earlier today, but more like, 'Beck, I _can't_ live without you.'

_To stay away from loving you._

"I'm sorry Beck. I truly am. But I needed to end it."

_I'm broken hearted and I can't let you know._

"_Why_?" It was one word, but I knew how much meaning it held for him. I had to answer; no matter how much more it broke my heart. It would all be over soon anyway, so I figured what the hell, he deserves to know.

_I won't let it show_

"Because this world held too much pain for me. And I didn't want to make you guys suffer any longer."

_You won't see my cry._

"I wasn't suffering. I was happy with you, Jade. _I love you_. Nobody else, and that will _never_ change."

_This time was different._

This time, I knew he meant it.

_Felt like I was just a victim_

I knew it was ending.

_And it cut me like a knife._

"I really am sorry. I can't say it many more times, but I do mean it. And I love you much more than you will ever know, Beck."

_When you walked out of my life,_

I could feel _his_ hurt. I could feel _Cat's_ hurt.

I could practically see her sitting in her pink, frilly room, confused and upset at what I've done.

_Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart._

"Does-does Cat know?"

_And no matter what you'll never see me cry_

"Yes. You two are the only ones. I want you to be the one to sit down and explain everything to her. I should have a long time ago, but I didn't. I didn't want to destroy her innocence."

_This time was different,_

I could feel my heart break into a million pieces as Beck agreed to do so.

_Felt like I was just a victim_

"Put it nicely. She understands, but not completely. Make sure she doesn't hurt more than she absolutely has to."

_And it cut me like a knife_

The world was getting darker by the second.

_When you walked out of my life,_

"_I love you, Beck_. We could have had it all. I'm sorry."

_Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart._

He was silent for a moment.

_And no matter what you'll never see me cry_

"I love you too, Jade. More than _anything_ in the world. It will _always_ be you."

I closed my phone gently.

_All my life._

The last tear fell, and then it all went black.

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><p><strong>What'd ya think? I didn't like the ending so much...Maybe I should make a it a multi chapter story where you guys choose what happens? It's up to you, my lovely readers.<strong>


	2. I Won't Let You Go Not THAT Easily

Disclaimer: I don't own them. *sniffle*

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><p>I dropped my phone after she hung up and hurried out the door of my RV, starting my car and driving as fast as I could to Jade's house.<p>

The door was unlocked and I walked in, running up to her room. I felt numb as I approached the door.

_I opened the door slowly._

_She was sitting on her bed, legs crossed; drawing in a notebook, and music was gently playing from her PearPod. She looked up and smiled the smile she reserved for only me. I smiled back, happy to see her, and pulled her into a hug, whispering promises that I would never leave her and that I would always love her_.

But then I snapped into reality, and I was holding Jade, who was on the floor, unconscious, while grabbing her phone which had little droplets of blood on it and calling for help, begging Jade to stay with me, because I couldn't lose her. The person on the line said that help was on it's way, and in minutes, there was paramedics taking Jade away from me, telling me to let her go so that they could take her to the hospital.

I begged them to let me come with them in the ambulance, but they refused. There was not enough room, one of them stated.

I watched at the ambulance drove away with my Jade. I didn't notice the blood on my hands, my shirt, my shoes, and my jeans. I walked back up to Jade's room because I wanted-no, I needed-so bad for this to be a horrible, unbelievable nightmare.

The room was empty when I walked back in. No Jade, just things that represent and remind me of Jade.

I sat down on her bed, taking in my surroundings.

When I had first entered the room, I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything but Jade.

But now I could see and hear everything. Every little detail of her room. The black walls; the jars of mysterious things; the band and Broadway posters.

I heard a song playing in the background as I looked over the floor, which had some blood stains on the carpeting. I couldn't identify the music in the background, but it was sad.

And then Cat walked in. Poor, innocent, Cat. She didn't deserve to see something like this, but something in her eyes told me that she knew exactly what was going on and it pained her deeply, but being the actress she is, she put on a brave face and tried not to let the quickly approaching tears fall.

Cat slowly walked around the room, trying to take in everything, like she'd never be here again.

I knew exactly how she felt.

"Beck?" She asked suddenly, he voice breaking.

"Yeah, Cat?" I said, trying to keep my own voice steady.

"Is Jade going to live?" She didn't sound like the Cat who is carefree and ditzy. She sounded like a down to earth person.

"I hope so." God, do I hope so.

"I don't want Jade to die," She swallowed, looking back at one of the posters.

I just looked down at my hands.

"She listens to this song every time you guys fight," Cat said after a moment of silence.

"What?" I asked, confused. I had forgotten about the music playing in the background.

"Anytime she's sad about you, and life, she listens to this song. She says it represents how she feels most of the time. She says that she shouldn't believe you when you say you love her, because it's just handing you her heart on a silver platter, and she says that you unknowingly stabbed a knife into it the first time you guys ever fought and you called her an unlovable bitch." I remembered that fight well. I had never meant a word of it. She had just been pushing my buttons and I stupidly said things that I never meant.

But it sent a pang of guilt through me.

"She also says that when you told Tori that you were glad that Jade broke up with you, that it only twisted the knife already lodged in her heart. Then when you guys fought again shortly after that, and you kept taking Tori's side, she said that she didn't want to deal with it anymore. And then today, well, we both got the call from her."

I nodded slowly.

"Are you alright?" She asked, sitting down next to me.

"Not really," I said.

"Neither am I," She said, looking at something on the floor.

"What's that?" I asked as she bent down and picked up a pile of impossibly tiny paper pieces.

"I think it was a picture," She said.

"Oh," I sighed. "How many times did she go to you, Cat?"

"Every time you two would get into a bad fight, when Tori threw her prome and you were inCanada-" I cut her off.

"Why? What happened at the prome?" I asked, worried.

"Jade was pissed off because she had already booked the Asphalt Café for her performance, and then Sikowitz gave Tori the Café to do the prome."

"I knew that part," I said slowly. But I was realizing that Cat wasn't the bright and bubbly red-head we all thought we knew. People always wondered why Jade and Cat were best friends. They had been close since kindergarten and even I had wondered why, but I had never asked, because I knew what it was like for someone to ask you something like that. People were constantly asking me why I was with Jade.

But I was starting to understand Cat and Jade's friendship now. They weren't all that different. This was the real Cat Valentine. The Cat that was bright, bubbly, confused and overly-innocent was just an act. I don't know why she created the act; maybe she honestly could be that way sometimes. But this Cat sitting next to me was not the Cat that Robbie had a crush on and that Andre called Lil Red. This was a Cat who understood the nature of the world and reality and had normal emotions.

"Tori called her a freak demon, then had Doug the Diaper Guy be the king of prome and Jade the queen, and I didn't know because Tug had been talking to me. I did a performance with Tori, and Tug drove me home, where I found Jade, curled up on my bed, trying not to cry."

"And you didn't think it was odd that she was there before you were?" I was just curious.

"Nope. She has a key and I find her there a lot."

We sat in silence for another couple of minutes, during which, I listened to the lyrics of the song.

It made me wonder what exactly had caused all of this. Had the song given her the idea to do this to herself? Had I been the one who pushed her to it? Had it been her parents?

But I knew that I was to blame for a lot of it.

"We should go see if Jade's okay," I stated, standing up.

Cat nodded her agreement and turned off Jade's PearPod as we left.

Cat drove; she seemed to be the stable one out of the two of us right now.

I saw her bite her lip slightly. "So, I guess you know that I'm not exactly the Cat Valentine everyone thinks they know, huh?"

"Yeah, I kind of caught that. But don't worry; you'll always be like my little sister." I attempted a smile.

She, too, tried to smile, but failed. We pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and walked in.

"I'm going to see if they will let us visit Jade, and you can call Robbie and Andre if you want," I said.

She took out her phone and didn't even question why I hadn't said Tori; she already knew.

"Hey, Robbie," I heard. She wasn't using the regular spacey Cat voice, but the grounded voice.

"Yeah, hey, will you come to the hospital?" A small pause. "Thanks Robbie. See you soon."

"We're here to see Jade West," I said.

"Oh, okay. She can have visitors when she wakes up."

"So she's okay?"

"Yeah, but we almost lost her on the way here. They got her to the ER and she should be up soon." A doctor said, walking over from the hallway. "Her cuts are fairly thin, but deep. We're pretty sure that there won't be any visible scars as long as she doesn't do it again."

"Thank you, sir. Do you know when she'll be up?" I asked.

"In about half an hour," He said and walked off.

I paced the room for a good fifteen minutes, and then Robbie showed up.

Cat threw her arms around his neck and he hugged her tightly.

"What happened to Jade?" He asked, seeing quickly that Cat and I were fine.

"She…" I wasn't sure if Jade would want me to tell anybody.

Cat sat him down and explained it, and Robbie hugged Cat again.

"I'm sorry about Jade," He said. "I hope she's okay."

"Yeah, we should be able to see her soon." I noticed that Robbie didn't ask Cat why she was 'herself'. Did he already know this different Cat?

Cat got up to go to the bathroom and Robbie went to see if he could find some water.

I thought about how crazy weird and terrible this day had been.

And then Andre walked in.

With Tori.

"Is Cat okay?" Tori asked, but Cat returned from her restroom break.

"I'm right here," She said, coming back from the bathroom, using the Cat act that everyone knew so well.

"Oh," Tori said. "Well then is Robbie alright?"

But Robbie had followed shortly after Cat.

"I'm fine," He said.

"Oh, well, then whose hurt?" She asked.

My eyes widened in shock and anger, as did Cat's and Robbie's.

"Jade," I said through gritted teeth.

I swore I could see her roll her eyes a bit.

"What happened?" Andre asked.

"Tori shouldn't be here," I said.

"What? Why?" She exclaimed.

"Because, Jade wouldn't want you to be here." Cat and Robbie said in unison.

"Okay…" Tori said.

"I'll drive you home," Andre said, looking put off that we were telling Tori she had to go.

And they left. I wasn't exactly happy that my best friend had ditched us, but I was happy that Tori was gone. Jade didn't need anymore stress right now.

Then I noticed Robbie had left Rex at home.

A doctor came out. "You can see Jadelyn now. But only one person at a time."

I was the first one to rush up to him. He led me to her room then left.

"Hey," I said quietly.

She looked down, and I sat in the chair next to her.

"I love you, Beck," She said. "I'm sorry I put you through this shit."

"Jade, it's okay. You're alive, and you'll be okay soon, but I want you to talk to me when you get this upset. I love you so much, Jade, and I wouldn't be able to stand it if you had died."

"Beck, I don't even know why you put up with me-"

"I do not PUT UP with you. I love you."

"You've said that." She said shyly.

"Yeah, well, I can't say it enough. God, Jade. I love you infinity."

"You're being sappy."

"I have a right to be sappy."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Whatever."

"You know you love when I'm sappy." I said proudly.

"Like I said before, whatever," She stated.

"Cat's here, too, as well as Robbie," I told her.

"Not-not Tori, though, right?" She asked.

"No. I told her to go home." I said, not wanting to elaborate.

Jade looked half frustrated, half happy.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked her.

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><p>It's not the best, but I had a TOTALLY WAY more elaborate chapter written up and I lost it. I'm pissed about that, but tell me what you guys think! P.S. Sorry for the late update. I've been really busy. And for those of you reading How Forever Began, I'll have it updated in a few minutes.<p> 


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